Maddy

Stats: 

Canvas size: 4200x3300 pixels

Brush: Custom-made paint brush (Krita RGBa)

Program: Krita 

Reference: Multiple

Earlier in the summer one of my cousin's daughters (Maddy) tragically sought to take her own life. Doctors fought to keep her with us. Many prayers were raised to the God of the universe. After all of this, God took her home and she passed out of this life. I would describe what led up to this, but her mother gives a far better description of Maddy's life and some of the struggles she endured that led to the series of events that resulted in her passing. You can read about that on her blog here.

I will only say this much about the passing of Maddy: As is the case with all of Heavenly Father's children, she was subject to all the vicissitudes of this life. That included her DNA, her circumstances and the choices she made. She was an incredibly complex beautiful soul. I am in no way qualified to judge her. Nor do I judge God as to why she was taken from us so young. His will be done in all things, and I have no doubt Maddy is safe and loved beyond anything we can comprehend in this life. When it comes down to it that is core reason for my attempt to illustrate Maddy in the arms of Jesus Christ, our Savior and Redeemer. His love and power are infinite. God the Father, His Son and the Holy Spirit have never let me down; they will take care of her and be there with her on her eternal journey.

The following is a glimpse into the process and struggles I experienced in digitally painting this illustration. Read on if you would like to know more

The Call

One day I received a Phone call from my Mother. I'd learned of Maddy's passing a few days earlier, so I knew she might bring Maddy up in conversation at some point. I had no idea she would ask me to do an illustration. She mentioned that someone had illustrated, for a funeral program, a gentleman being enfolded in the arms Jesus. Later she would show me a physical  copy of the program and illustration. She asked me to do a similar treatment for Maddy.

As an artist, familiar with what it takes to pull off a decent looking illustration, this was no small feat.

On the one hand my inner man, the man who sees a mountain and wants to conquer it, the hero who sees a dragon and seeks to slay it, was chanting "yes, you can do it!" 

Then there is the cautious side of me, the part of me that analyzes the height of that mountain and the terrifying difficulty of slaying a dragon and says, "whoa! hold your horses. you are way over your head on this one!"

Then there is a part of me that is the dutiful Son to a loving Mother, that says "How can you say "no" to your own Mother? She brought you into the world, fed you for twenty years. She taught you and worked to bring you up to be a good person. You owe her so much!"

All of these things swirled within me as I finally, and cautiously, replied that I couldn't promise anything, but that I would give it my best shot. I was grateful when she gave me a soft deadline, indicating I didn't have to have it by the time of the memorial service. Despite this I gave myself a personal deadline of two weeks, in which I would have something ready to deliver to my Aunt Julie and Uncle Carl (Maddy's Grandparents) personally at a family reunion.

So, with having to balance working full time, four Children, a dog and my wife, I committed to rendering a digital painting of Maddy being enfolded in the arms of Jesus, within two weeks.

References

I knew if I were to have any chance of pulling this off, I would have to use references. I started with the example my mom provided. I actually thought maybe the image would work as the only reference of Jesus I would need. Not so much. The gentleman in the image was too tall. I couldn't just simply replace his head with Maddy's and call it good. Oh no, I needed to adjust the render for her height. This in turn would force me to adjust our Saviors posture and positioning of his arms.

Really though, that was a peace of cake compared to Maddy's face. I found some images of her online, but I was not happy with any of the expressions or positioning of her head. Then I came across a video of her performing American sign language. I was entranced by how gracefully she moved her arms in concert with her facial expression. I went through the video several times, pausing at key points to find a single frame that would work. Then, there it was, her face so peaceful looking and her head in just the right angle. The resolution wasn't that great, but that didn't matter. The details were just good enough that I could, as an artist, enhance them and bring them out. At this point I knew her face would be the centerpiece and focal point for the entire composition. Success or failure would hinge almost completely on whether I could render Maddy's face with accuracy and feeling. Ultimately, I would spend at least 40 percent of my time on getting it right. I also chose to keep her glasses. The idea of anyone wearing glasses after passing is logically odd to me. I even added her glasses as a totally separate layer in Krita. I felt, you know, this is how people knew her in this life. For their sakes I chose to retain the glasses. I have yet to receive one complaint about that. I take that as a good sign I made the right choice.

Digital Painting in progress.

My daughter and I as a reference

As the painting progressed, I came to the realization I needed additional reference data in order to get arm positioning and shadows within the realm of feeling close to right. I felt my youngest daughter posing with me would fit, within reason, what I needed. So, with the help of her and my son snapping the photo, we came up with the following:

Artis and daughter posing together to obtain additional visual data.

Having seen the videos and other photos of Maddy, it seemed she was probably a bit lankier and taller than my daughter, but I was getting down to the last four days and I needed more data. This is the best I could do. I'm grateful to my children for their assistance. 

Now it was a matter of finishing the full render of the composition, and, painting the master of all the universe himself. My Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Not a small thing on such short notice.

Jesus

Painting Jesus is like Paleo art in a lot of ways. We don't know exactly what a dinosaur looks like, but we have clues, such as bones and footprints. The rest is imagination filling in the details. With Christ we have the fact that he was a human Jewish male, who's existence in mortality was brought about through the power of God and Mary. He took on their attributes. Really, none of us know exactly what he looked like. However, we have this scripture from Isaiah 53:2: "For he shall grow up before him as a tender plant, and as a root out of a dry ground: he hath no form nor comeliness; and when we shall see him, there is no beauty that we should desire him."

I mostly interpret this scripture to mean that Jesus looked like a pretty normal dude. I don't think he was ugly, but I don't think he was a Tom Cruise or Chris Evens kind of guy either. As to what he looked like ethnically, we are not entirely certain. What did a Jew of that time look like? What ethnicity is God the Father? Those who have seen him face to face have not indicated, as far as I know. 

At any rate, I did the best I could with the time I had left, basing the lighting from the reference image of my daughter and myself.

I finished up final artistic details of the image early afternoon the day before delivery. I sent them to Walmart 1-hour print. Then I ran over to my parents to drop off the prints to my Mom. She seemed really pleased with the final composition.

Final image

Here is a simple animation showing the overall progress of this digital painting:

And one more close up of Maddy and Christ's hands:

Delivery and Response

The next day I went to the family reunion at Aunt Ellen's, which was absolutely amazing! I had not seen so many of the grandchildren of Arthur and Irmgard gathered since the death of Irmgard. Turned out to be a joyful occasion, with much catching up and stories all round.

Then, out of nowhere my Aunt Julie approaches me with bittersweet tears, gives me a great big hug, and thanked me for making the effort to memorialize Maddy in the way I had. A few minutes later Uncle Carl did the same thing. I have never seen him cry, and I'm not sure I had ever hugged him before. I was deeply gratified and humbled all at the same time. I shed a few tears myself, as their grief resonated through my soul. A deep sense that what I felt was nothing compared to the deep sadness and loss that Maddy's parents felt, echoed through my consciousness. No parent should have to bury their own child. I pray I never have to experience what they have had to endure. May God bless them in their deep sorrow!

I am reminded of the scripture from the book of Mosiah chapter 18, verses 8-9: 

"8 And it came to pass that he said unto them: Behold, here are the waters of Mormon (for thus were they called) and now, as ye are desirous to come into the fold of God, and to be called his people, and are willing to bear one another’s burdens, that they may be light;

9 Yea, and are willing to mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort, and to stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things, and in all places that ye may be in, even until death, that ye may be redeemed of God, and be numbered with those of the first resurrection, that ye may have eternal life."

I fall short of this scripture in so many ways. Perhaps, through the creation of this image I have, in some small way , "... mourn[ed] with those that mourn; yea, and comfort[ed] those that stand [stood] in need of comfort, ..."

Final Thoughts

As I mentioned above the rendering of Maddy's face was the best part of this image. Having said that, there are a number of other technical issues with this painting. The shadows and lighting feel off in many places. Something I can't quite place is the positioning of Maddy's head in relation to the rest of her body seems off in some way. Not totally sure how. I'm also not completely satisfied with the details in the right hand of Maddy, gripping Christ's arm. Having mentioned these flaws, I will not be revisiting this piece. In my mind this final rendering is as permanent as any actual painting. The emotional capital spent on this was immense. If Maddy's Mom and Grandparents are happy with the image, then I can be satisfied with it on that level. That is good enough for me.